"Promise me you won't do it"

If there's someone in your life who you care about having a rough time for whatever reason and you want to help them, this post is for you. 

If this person we're talking about is having issues related to self harm, eating disorders, susbtance abuse, I'm going to give you some advice. 

First of all, you need to understand that these are very serious issues, and you cannot and shouldn't just look the other way. Even though those aren't suicidal acts themselves, they can be really dangerous to the person, and also the risk of suicide becomes higher. 

Secondly, there's something you need to know - this is not a choice. The person who's suffering from any of theses issues (or any other issue) didn't choose that, so don't blame them, don't shout them or reprimand them because it's not only useless but also potentially harming. 

Thirdly, do not tell them to promise you they won't do it. I know it's the first thing that you do when you realize someone you care about is doing something which is hurting them, but you need to think about that with perspective. Asking them to promise you they won't do it might probably cause a stressful situation and could cause them feelings of guilt if they can't keep the promise. As I said before, it's not a choice, therefore sometimes they just can't help it. However, you can ask them to promise you to try or to call you or something if they're having urges of doing that.

Fourthly, show them support. This is a hard situation and your loved one is probably going through a rough time, for this reason, showing them you care, that you're there if they needed, just reaching your hand, is something they'll be grateful for. 

Fifthly, do not blame yourself. This is something really important as well. You're trying your best, you're doing it great but if they relapse or can't stop doing that it's not your fault. It's not easy to help someone who's going through any of the issues I mentioned, you will probably feel frustrated. Keep this in mind - none of this is your fault.

Sixthly, suggest them asking for help. We all need help sometimes and it's not weak to ask for help. Encourage them to ask for help from an adult, or even professional help. Show them it's not something bad and that it will help them - it's actually the best for them. Nevertheless, don't pressure them.

Seventhly, if it goes far, if you think their life might be in danger, tell someone. It doesn't matter if you promised not to tell anyone or if they will hate you for that, if they're in danger you need to tell someone what's going on. If you need to call an ambulance, do it. If you need to call their family, do it. If you need to call the police, do it. They'll be mad at you, they won't like it - but it's for their sake. 

Well, I'm not going to write more advice or the post will become too long. This advice is just personal and talking from experience, keep that in mind. I hope that it helps you in anyway, if you need any other advice or help you know where to find me.