Monday, March 16, 2015
What you're doing here.
I don't quite know what I'm doing here. For that reason, I don't know what you specifically are doing here.
I don't want to lie you. I don't even know who you, the one reading this in this very moment, are. I don't know anything about you. I don't know if you know who I am. You probably don't have any clue of who I am. You probably don't even know how I look like. You could probably see me anywhere and don't know who I am. I like that.
Or maybe you do know who I am. There's a chance you know me in real life, and, when you've seen my name in my profile, you've recognised who I am. There's a chance that you are a person close to me, or that you're a person who knows me in real life, but we're not very close. I don't know, there's a possibility. I like that too, even though I prefer the role of an anon.
I don't care if you know who I am or not.
However, even though I'm writing here a bunch of words which sometimes don't even make sense, there's something I want. I don't want to lie you. Whoever you are, I don't want to lie you. I want to be straight up with honesty. That's what I've been trying to do since I started the first one of my blogs, and I started my twitter account as well. I've been trying to be honest. Even though I started coming as an anon, I've been trying to be honest.
That feels kind of weird to me, because, in real life, there are many times in which I'm not honest. There are many times in which no words I said were true. What's messed up about that is that, I hurt others with that when they found out the truth, but mostly I hurt myself. You know, you can say you're fine when you're totally not. Even though someone finds out you were far from okay, the person who hurts the most is you.
But, here, to me, it's different. Maybe is that I'm writing behind a screen, or that words were always what I used to express my own feelings. Here I don't usually lie. I express my feelings right how they are. I don't even feel afraid of sharing them. I feel safe here. I don't know if to you it makes sense, but to me, it does.
That's why I'm saying that. I don't know what I'm doing here, so, I can't tell you I know what you're doing here, because I really don't. Do you know what I really know? I know that there's a reason why you're here, and lots of reasons for you to keep being here.
The answer to the question "What am I doing here?", you can only find it. I can't answer that question for you, neither can your friends, family... or whoever you ask. The answer is inside you, you are the only one who can know what you're doing here. Don't freak out if it takes a long while to find the answer - the great things in life take time.